Diss-cuss-ions

I've never been too picky about my friendships--such is the privilege reserved for drama-majors and models with Olympian bodies and faces. As for hypocritical, bitter whiners like me, I am left to happenstance and my dysfunctional pheromones--to the detriment of not only me, but i'm sure, of also my acquaintances.

Jimmy (aka Jimbo/Spiky/Silent-Bomber/Pkyal/Japanese Woman) is such a "fortunate" individual who had the unfortunate opportunity to become one of my closest friends (aka verbal-abuse puppet). Fondly employed as a foil to my forsaken divine superiority, Jimmy is often called upon (and then mentally manipulated) to participate in "discussions" that are really "diss & cuss" sessions wherein my insatiable ego throws sticks and stones to his seemingly indeflatable self-esteem.

While this may sound incredibly cruel on my part, but as you will soon see, it is completely natural and necessary at times. Sure, it may have been slightly sadistic of me to make Jimbo repeat his word "mum-sole-liam" 5 times before revealing the correct pronunciation of mausoleum, but if you had been eavesdropping on our "discussion" of the movie Brokeback Mountain, surely you would understand my penchant for mockery and sympathize with my fragile nerves.

Jim: Oh btw, I saw Brokeback Mountain
Me: So, what did you think of the movie?
Jim: I was like, 'Wow! Gay people can love!'
Me: ...................................... *hurls silent insults in his direction*
Me: Um...... *still baffled at his apparently primitive understanding of love*
Me: .....wtf? Are you serious?
Jim: Yeah
Me: ......I mean...even animals can love....what the fuck do you mean.... omg...
Jim: NoOoo! They can not!
Me: errr... YES THEY CAN! Just take Emperor Penguins, and their tremendous devotion to their partners and offspring.
Jim: That's just reproduction! They aren't even monogamous for life (Ok... i'm paraphrasing here... Jimmy probably doesn't even know how to spell "monogamous", let alone pronounce it)
Me: They are monogamous for 1-2 years before the cycle repeats! Besides, who says love must span 20 years? So are you saying relationships that don't last particularly long aren't ones based on love?
Jim: Yeah...
Me: So the thing you had with Ms. Whatsherface wasn't love? You didn't love her? You led her to believe you were in love with her so she would date you for so long, wasted all of her time, when in reality you didn't love her?
Jim: ............
Jim: Fine! Damn....
Me: *smirks*
Me: ....What else? What else did you think about the movie?
Jim: Um... what else do you want to hear? All right!.... I was like, 'I'm glad I'm not one of them'
Me: .......................................*hurls more silent insults in his direction*

By the end of the conversation, we had concluded that Jimmy actually did enjoy Brokeback Mountain--more so than any other movie in his recent memory. Yet inspite of his high rating (4 out of 5 stars), his only comments were: 1) wow, gay people can love! 2) i'm not one of them! and 3) the char development was good.

.......................................*hurls even more silent insults in his direction*

Bubba will be condemned to hell for his insidious mind and tongue, and it's all Jimmy's fault.