The Bubba Show

Yes, I am 21 years old; yes, I don't have a driver's license; yes, I still don't have a girlfriend; no I am not gay (I blame my slender waist and occasional lisp); and yes I do not have any fucking privacy.

It's hard enough to be back at home...with people... after being accustomed to spend hours of solitary confinement in my tiny dorm room @ Columbia; but coerced social interaction (what can I say... I need the free food and shelter) AND an invasion of privacy? --Now that's going too far.

Like any other pathetic loser in his 20s with a computer, staying awake past midnight is as a whore to STDs: Inevitable. Don't mind I have a tiny msn contact list--and even fewer people who care to talk to me--but there are still tons for me to do in the wee hours of the morning. There's FFXI, porn, more FFXI, more porn, and um... more FFXI. So what if I decide to spend precious sleep time engaged in these unhealthy activities (although I do remember reading from somewhere that masturbation is good for you...), the point is I am 21 years old (months away from 22... /sob), and I should have control over my time and my schedule.

Apparently, I am deeply mistaken. Living @ my parents house in Vancouver means they have full rights to enter my room (to check if I am asleep and yell at me if I'm not) at any hour they please. Though they have yet to catch me with my pants at my ankles, I have been caught red-handed, oogling at my hawt mithra's ass on FFXI on more than one occasion. What follows is a series of nasty threats, at which point I have learned to tune out but nod my head knowingly in their direction. I got the gist of it though: It's either my computer or my hair... or my limbs (I think?)...but something has/have got to go.

It's been almost 2 weeks now, and I have yet to get a full nights rest. My parents, of course, blame the computer and FFXI, but I suspect otherwise. The reoccuring nightmares about losing my hair, arms, and legs can't be good for my sleep. Sure I can start going to bed early and end the hostility altogether....

Or I can get a lock...

I think I will go with the latter.

My Witty Brilliance

It's 4 am, and the morning air is cool and crisp like summer watermelon. For the past 2 hours, I have been lying in my bed, unable to sleep... which is unusal, as it IS late...and I had signed off Final Fantasy XI earlier in what I thought was weariness taking over. Now I wish I had stayed on a little longer...

Wow... I hadn't realized how sad my life was until I read what I just wrote. That's right: FFXI is and has been my life lately. Needless to say, my social vein has long been bled dry, declared dead, and buried in room for a fabricated online existence; a world in which names like "Mrbiginpants" and "Yourmom" are just as dignified and simultaneously insignificant as any other.

*Mrbiginpants readies Pentathrust on Yourmom*
*Yourmom is defeated by Mrbiginpants*

Ok... so maybe they are not very "dignified" personas, but they sure roam the cyber reality with their characters' heads held upright (betraying little of the annoying grinning faces of their users, whom I imagine, are perpetually chuckling at their seeming display of witty brilliance). If only when I slap their characters with mine, the stinging pain can travel up their overwrought fingertips and settle on their sun-deprived, pimply cheeks...

*Bubba slaps Mrbiginpants and Yourmom*
*Mrbiginpants and Yourmom are defeated by Bubba*

--I grin at the thought, my pale and pimply cheeks stretching to bare my shiny retainers.