A Male Erin Brockovich

For those of you still in the dark as to what I have been up to this summer (besides playing online games and perfecting my thumb-twirling uberness..), I have been working as a summer intern in this advertising agency in downtown New York. At first, I welcomed this new responsibility with haughty disdain and mild curiosity... but after having to wake up 9 am everyday (I work from 10-6), and share stuffy oxygen with too many a farting new yorker in the subways, I decided it was too much; correction: my body decided it was too much.

Last wednesday, I came down with a nasty flu that attacked my throat and joints. Though physically debilitating, I was, thanks to my illness, privileged to become acquainted with the sweet words, "sick leave". No waking up to my fucking alarm clock... no more silent bombs in the subway... I was, in short, flying in heaven.

The nyquil-nasal-congested-dry-eyes-sore-joints existence was addicting. I went back to work two days later sporting my cold symptoms with the pride like an ex-veteran showing off his collection of shiny medals. As far as I was concerned, I was a hero enduring through harsh times and even harsher responsibilities. I was a very sick person at work. I was a male Erin Brockovich.

My coworkers, though, were not amused. One in particular made it very clear I was not the selfless hero I assumed to be: "You shouldn't force yourself by coming to work, Edwin, because not only are you suffering, you're putting all of us at risk."

Oh how I wished I had a gun.












As my superior walked away, I imagined myself detonating a gas bomb filled with highly contagious flu bacteria right there in the kitchen. Fuck Erin Brockovich, I wanted them to suffer. I wanted them to all to breathe from their mouths as they phone into a near empty office the next day, painfully uttering, "I hab a code..."

Of course in the last second (in the frantic race against time), I ousted my evil thoughts with the "Omph" and "Kapowie" a la Batman & Robin, saving everyone from an otherwise horrific castastrophe.

Damn I am heroic.